Astarte's Watch the Sky

Basic Info
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Relationships: Sam (main), Sam/Dean
Song: 'Watch the Sky', Something Corporate
Representative lyrics: 'I finally lost my mind and then I lost my way, I'm blistered but I'm better and I'm home. I will crawl, there's things that aren't worth giving up, I know. But I won't let this get me, I will fight. You live the life you're given with the storms outside...Somedays all we do is watch the sky.'
Lyrics

To make sure this is structured, I'll keep with the timeline of the vid, because truly, it's packed with meaning and is just mindblowing...just like everything Astarte's done so far (she simply never stops to impress me).

I'm lost at sea,
The radio is jamming but they wont find me,
I swear its for the best
And then your frequency is pulling me in closer
Til I'm home.

The first scenes, set to the intro of the song not only fit the music but also set the vid beautifully. You see Sam's unease and the relationship with his brother is set. When the first words hit, even someone who isn't a fan or casual viewer of the show knows that something is wrong with Sam, his frustration and helplessness as he pulls on the beeds from his father's book, tears in his eyes. The scenes with his mother kissing him, Jessica, give us an hint of what exactly is wrong with 'they won't find be', but truthfully, my favorite part is set to 'your frequency is pulling me closer 'til I'm home'. It's Dean, coming back into his life, forcing him to come with him, carrying him around that makes sure he remains standing, that he doesn't crumble. Perhaps he's not really 'home' per say, but throughout the vid, we see that he's closer and closer to getting there.

And I've been up for days
I finally lost my mind
And then I lost my way.
I'm blistered but I'm better and I'm home

Obviously, 'I've been up for days' is quite literal here. After Jessica's death, he slept very little, consumed by guilt and nightmares both. 'I finally lost my mind' over him seing Jess at the end of 'Bloody Mary' was great, because you can see on his face that it's truly how he feels and the fade from Jess into him kissing another girl to 'I lost my way' is very representative of how he felt - he can't forget Jess, he can't allow himself to get over his guilt and certainly can't move on. The shot of him looking at Dean to 'and I'm home' is simply brilliant. Being the last thing he has, the last thing keeping him anchored to this life, Dean truly is his home.

And I will crawl, there's things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky

'I will crawl' is perhaps one of the most representative lyrics of the entire song, especially combined with 'I will fight'. Of course, it's not gonna be easy, it's never gonna be easy, but nevertheless, he 'won't let this get' him, he'll still fight alongside his brother. 'You live the life you're given with the storms outside', showing Dean enjoying life in juxtaposition to him diving to get the boy back, fighting, is simply a smart and quick illustration of just how Dean inspires his brother to move on, by still loving his life and living it fully even though he's constantly exposed to everything that is wrong with this world. And then 'Somedays all we do is watch the sky'...because not everyday is going to be easy and not everyday will mean moving on a little more...sometimes you're stuck in what you're feeling.

This room's too small, it's only getting smaller
I'm against the wall, I'm slowly getting taller here in Wonderland.
This guilt feels so familiar and I'm home

With his guilt and frustration building up, and him dumping a lot of its weight on his brother, it's only natural that Sam's relationship with Dean would come to a difficult place, just like it did on the show and that's just what Astarte shows here, in just one line. The room, not only in a literal sense, the space he's left dealing with to spread his guilt is only getting smaller as he goes, as time goes and he has to face it. It won't fade entirely, and because his brother is in that 'space' as well, Dean has to deal with it just as much as he does, which of course puts a strain on their relationship, because it's so intoxicating. The look they give each other really illustrates that. 'I'm against the wall, I'm slowly getting taller here in Wonderland', with their mother - it's allowed him to move on even just a little, to see her and therefore, lose a large amount of guilt over her death, because she was killed over his crib. 'This guilt' he revisits 'feels so familiar', because of Jess, because of his mother... But slowly, he is getting better and he's therefore 'getting taller' here in 'Wonderland' - quite a nice metaphor for the universe they live in. And then he's back with his brother, for another round of killing supernatural beasties. He's back 'home', a place he finds both in Dean and in the guilt that's become so familiar it's changing him, or the closest to home he can get.

And I will crawl, there's things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky,
Somedays all I do is watch the sky.

As the chorus repeats, the theme repeats as well, but with different scenes, therefore showing that it's really a process, not just a phase. With the psychic, understanding his guilt and his grief, he's face with it again, yet he won't let it get to him still and he'll fight. Still here, on 'I will fight' and 'you live the life you're given with the storms outside', Dean is the strong one, he's the one holding their opponent down, he's the one leading the way. Sam might be getting stronger with time and with his influence, but he still *needs* him to be there, or he'll still crawl.

I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good day.
I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good day.
It's a deep sea on which I'm floating. Still I sink to think that i must...

It's a difficult process he's going through and he's never given himself a chance to grieve, and as much as he needs his brother, Dean's also a source of pressure on him, forcing him to take everything in stride and deal with it as it is, never letting him escape the truth or close himself. But then, when it gets too much, the success, killing the monsters, helps him move on, they're good days, where they can drive off into the sunset knowing that they righted a wrong. 'It's a deep sea in which [he's] floating', a deep sea of guilt, pain and lots of life and death situations. A sea that can turn him against his brother, make him fight and believe in himself and then when the tide rolls back, he's left bare and 'sinks' - a simple call from his father and the exhiliration of the fight, his process of moving on is altered - he's got a new pain...The sea of pain is big and it's devious, it'll always find ways to pull him down no matter how much he crawls.

When you can't bear to carry me I'll fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky,
Today was a good day, today was a good day.

'When you can't bear to carry me, I'll fight' is truly the companion piece to both previous 'you live the life you're given with the storms outside', even more than so than the one that follows it. Because for the first time, Sam has to face the fact that Dean can no longer lead the way, he can no longer 'carry him', carry his guilt and force him to move on. For the first time, he fights not only because it's a way to move on but because the roles are reversed. He's the one carrying his brother, because Dean, with his love for life, no matter how wrong things get, has given him the strenght to do so. For the first time, the tide isn't too strong, he can swim against it. He even finds the strenght to no longer feel guilt at causing the death of someone, not only because she deserved it (and again, Pa Bender, who deserved it as well), but because his vision of right and wrong has moved from black and white to areas of gray. He's gained back his strenght, but he's a different person. His guilt, his pain, his losses have made him darker, if not stronger than he was before. His idea of what a good day is, is no longer the same - it's all in an area of gray and Astarte, clever girl that she is, goes right for it by fading the clip into gray.

Now, on the more technical aspect. While I really miss your old watermark Astarte (it was so pretty! The lines and the Angel-tatoo A!), it doesn't matter much so I won't put much importance into it either. The fading into gray at the end is probably my favorite use of effects in the entire vid, not only because it's one of the only effects (your vid *really* didn't need any more, it's that good. Strong, emotional and meaningful vids don't need much effects, if only to put emphasis on certain clips or the meaning of certain clips - here, it's exactly what fading into gray does. Of course, certain vids' emotional weight make it so that effects are needed to pull out the meaning from the clips, but 'Watch the sky' is so in your face, so raw that it doesn't need that aspect), but also because it's very clever. Overall, an amazing vid from an amazing vidder. The song is perfect, the subject is perfect and I know you didn't intend for it to be this dark, at first, but truly, the mood of it is perfect. It's beautifully crafted to a beautiful song, and you should be proud.